I was reconnecting with the people in my address book to invite them to view my blog when one of them said that I should get ready to ward off and scrutinize suitors to my daughter, Isabella. I amicably responded that I haven't entertained the thought (and not quite ready to) - as Isabella's barely three months old.
When I went to bed that night, the same conversation played in my head and I thought that Isabella will eventually grow up and someday, she will have friends, boyfriends, begin dating, etc... Then images of my own experiences came into my mind --- discovering boys at 14 (a.k.a. batting eyelashes with matching smiling a-la-Dalagang Pilipina at them), getting to know boys at 15 (a.k.a. talking for hours and hours on the phone from dusk till dawn especially during summer or if it’s brownout), having boyfriends before 16 (ok, this is self-explanatory!).
Then I walked some more down memory lane. I remember sneaking out, lying, making excuses just to be able to go out with my friends and yes, with the not-so-hidden agenda to meet boys. Some of the classic excuses include working on projects at a friend’s house, group study somewhere, using the computer at somebody’s house, practice for this and that… And in times of desperation, sneaking out of school and cutting classes. And then of course the series of birthdays. “Ma, it’s Marie’s birthday…” and she would answer, “again??” In most cases, I went scot-free, albeit I lied to be able to go.
As time went by, asking for permission from my parents to go out got a little easier. When I started working, I almost didn’t ask for their permission anymore, it was more of letting them know where I’ll be at and with whom.
Looking back, I am not exactly proud that I had to lie to be able to go out. I think it’s pretty normal or even expected for people around that age to “act up”. However I think it’s also because of the kind of relationship with my parents I had growing up. I come from a family where both my parents had to work to support us. After all, there were four of us that they needed to send to college. I say this with a lot of love, we didn’t have enough time together to get to know each other that well (much more our friends). So obviously, even if they trusted us, they didn’t know the people around us. I heard this line a lot of times growing up, (especially when they say no you can’t go out) - “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s the people around you that I do not trust.”
My relationship with my parents got better as I grew older. They were both retired when I had to work nights and almost always, we had lunch together. It was very uncomfortable at first, when they had a lot of time on their hands – trying to get into a routine after retirement. Suffice it to say, they spent a lot of it getting to know us all over again. I became more honest, more open and in turn, they were more accepting and trusting. I really think that the key to our more-improved relationship was the gift of time. Time spent with each other allowed us to listen, share, accept, grow and love. Now we have the time to talk about our experiences, dreams and what-not. Now I can say I am really seeing things in their perspective, seeing their point, after having joined the league of parenthood.
I know it’s only a matter of time before I will say to Isabella “it’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s the people around you that I do not trust”, but I do have the opportunity to spend time with her to watch her grow and get to know her as a person. I do not know if I will be as accepting or as trusting as my parents were or as I would like to be – I still have some good years ahead of me to figure it out – but for now, I am grateful that I have come almost full circle.
When I went to bed that night, the same conversation played in my head and I thought that Isabella will eventually grow up and someday, she will have friends, boyfriends, begin dating, etc... Then images of my own experiences came into my mind --- discovering boys at 14 (a.k.a. batting eyelashes with matching smiling a-la-Dalagang Pilipina at them), getting to know boys at 15 (a.k.a. talking for hours and hours on the phone from dusk till dawn especially during summer or if it’s brownout), having boyfriends before 16 (ok, this is self-explanatory!).
Then I walked some more down memory lane. I remember sneaking out, lying, making excuses just to be able to go out with my friends and yes, with the not-so-hidden agenda to meet boys. Some of the classic excuses include working on projects at a friend’s house, group study somewhere, using the computer at somebody’s house, practice for this and that… And in times of desperation, sneaking out of school and cutting classes. And then of course the series of birthdays. “Ma, it’s Marie’s birthday…” and she would answer, “again??” In most cases, I went scot-free, albeit I lied to be able to go.
As time went by, asking for permission from my parents to go out got a little easier. When I started working, I almost didn’t ask for their permission anymore, it was more of letting them know where I’ll be at and with whom.
Looking back, I am not exactly proud that I had to lie to be able to go out. I think it’s pretty normal or even expected for people around that age to “act up”. However I think it’s also because of the kind of relationship with my parents I had growing up. I come from a family where both my parents had to work to support us. After all, there were four of us that they needed to send to college. I say this with a lot of love, we didn’t have enough time together to get to know each other that well (much more our friends). So obviously, even if they trusted us, they didn’t know the people around us. I heard this line a lot of times growing up, (especially when they say no you can’t go out) - “It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s the people around you that I do not trust.”
My relationship with my parents got better as I grew older. They were both retired when I had to work nights and almost always, we had lunch together. It was very uncomfortable at first, when they had a lot of time on their hands – trying to get into a routine after retirement. Suffice it to say, they spent a lot of it getting to know us all over again. I became more honest, more open and in turn, they were more accepting and trusting. I really think that the key to our more-improved relationship was the gift of time. Time spent with each other allowed us to listen, share, accept, grow and love. Now we have the time to talk about our experiences, dreams and what-not. Now I can say I am really seeing things in their perspective, seeing their point, after having joined the league of parenthood.
I know it’s only a matter of time before I will say to Isabella “it’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s the people around you that I do not trust”, but I do have the opportunity to spend time with her to watch her grow and get to know her as a person. I do not know if I will be as accepting or as trusting as my parents were or as I would like to be – I still have some good years ahead of me to figure it out – but for now, I am grateful that I have come almost full circle.
hi marce! congrats on your blog! isabella looks gorgeous and for sure she will really be a heartbreaker. Goodluck nalang talaga! Daddy Ramon palang, kakabahan na mga manliligaw, tapos dagdagan pa ni Mommy Guia! nakakaloka! :) we miss you a lot! take care always! By the way, I added your blog in my list of blogs :)
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